This is a call to action for all knees! Join in protest before it is too late!
We have just become aware of this year’s Highlander Tour. Were previous editions already cause for concern, this time the course is truly offensive and entirely disrespectful of us knees. Not only does it contain Bopple but also hideous contraptions like Gannett, Stid Hill, and Sliter. Sliter… we mean, who names a hill that!?
As we all know us knees are under-appreciated, blamed for all kinds of things that aren’t our fault and at the same time the most hard-working joints in the body. If that brain above thinks something is funny then we’re jerked. If it is smitten then one of us takes the fall. If it looses courage then somehow we’re the ones who are weak.
But we digress. Bopple. The Highlander organizers misleadingly claim its incline is 23%. While we, the knees, would already protest to anything over the rate of inflation, its incline is more, much more. Usually well-informed knees who wish to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation have shared this picture with us that shows Bopple’s true incline. But there is more that upsets us, for example the placement of the cemetery near the top of this thing. Who thought that was funny!?
We must take action now before it is too late. Too many a knee succumbed on this climb, snapped, cracked, splintered, fell to the elements, blocked and bonked that we must shout loudly: “Just say knee!” To get our campaign under way we propose a march from the top of the hill to the cemetery. There we will lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Knee.
But this is not just about us, knees. We must recognize that our suffering is shared by all joints. Let us call out to ankles, hips, lower backs, elbows, saddle joints (but not that pivot joint; that thing is a freak show). And let us stand shoulder to shoulder to the organizers of this event! Demand that Highlander be flattened!
Email us at KneesAgainstBopple@onno.com to show your support.
(on behalf of the Knees Against Bopple Action Committee)